5 Things Counselling is Not - and What it Actually Is
3 - 4 minute read
When you’re thinking about starting therapy, it’s completely normal to wonder what it will actually be like.
We all carry ideas from TV, social media, or past experiences - some accurate, some miles away from the reality of modern, relational,
trauma-informed counselling.
So today, I want to gently clear the fog.
Here are five things counselling is NOT…
and what it really is, when done with care, curiosity and collaboration.
One: Counselling is NOT about being judged
What people fear:
“Will my counsellor think badly of me?”
“Will I be criticised or told I’m overreacting?”
What counselling is:
A place where your inner world is met with respect, kindness, and genuine curiosity.
A trauma-informed therapist understands that your reactions, emotions, and coping strategies all make sense in context.
My role isn’t to judge, it’s to understand what life has felt like for you and support your healing from there.
Judgement shuts people down.
Attunement helps people open.
Counselling is always the latter.
Two: Counselling is NOT advice-giving or instruction
What people expect:
“Just tell me what to do.”
“Give me the answer.”
What counselling is:
A collaborative process that helps you discover what feels right, possible, and aligned with your values. Therapy can explore patterns, the past, your relationships, your beliefs — but it won’t hand you a pre-packed solution.
Instead, you gain clarity, insight, and emotional ground beneath your feet.
From there, decisions become easier and feel more authentically yours.
Three: Counselling is NOT only for crises or ‘serious problems’
What people believe:
“I need to be at rock bottom to go.”
“Other people need therapy more than I do.”
What counselling is:
A space for anyone who wants to understand themselves better, heal, grow, or simply feel less alone with what they’re carrying.
You don’t need to justify your feelings.
You don’t need to wait until things are unbearable.
Therapy can be a preventative space, a reflective space, or a transformative one, not just an emergency intervention.
Four: Counselling is NOT passive
The misconception:
“You sit on a sofa. You talk. The therapist nods.”
(Thank you, Hollywood.)
What counselling is:
An active, relational process.
It involves exploration, noticing what happens in the room, understanding patterns, gently challenging where it helps, and
making new meaning together.
Good therapy isn’t done to you, it’s done with you.
You are an active participant in your own healing.
Five: Counselling is NOT a quick fix
What people sometimes hope:
“Three sessions and everything will be sorted.”
What counselling is:
A gradual, compassionate process…
…where safety is built, patterns become clearer, and change roots itself over time.
It doesn’t mean therapy has to be endless, not at all.
But real emotional change grows through consistency, connection, and the courage to explore.
Most people find that the relationship itself becomes part of the healing.
So, what IS counselling, really?
At its heart, counselling is:
A confidential, supportive space
A relationship based on trust, respect, and genuine presence
A place where your story is honoured
A collaborative exploration of your inner and outer world
An opportunity for healing, insight, resilience and growth
A sanctuary where you don’t have to hold everything alone
When you sit with a counsellor who is the right fit, something in you exhales, maybe for the first time in a long time.
If you’re curious about beginning counselling
Taking the first step can feel vulnerable, but it can also be the beginning of real change.
If you’d like to explore working together, you’re welcome to reach out or book an initial session through my website.
You deserve a space where you feel understood, supported, and deeply met.